This one’s for my body.
The biggest thing that gets me down right now is the fact that my body is turning into a chemical experimentation lab. I’ve spent my life living pretty cleanly — eating very little junk food, barely drinking, not smoking, doing no drugs. So the fact that I’m spending a month getting injected and dosed and drugged and fucked up in a billion different ways makes me so. Amazingly. Goddamned. Angry.
I love you, body! No matter how normal you are with your childbirth pudge that never went away, I’ve spent 38 years figuring out how to be with you. I know your migraine triggers, and I know how to keep you hydrated. I know what kind of alcohol you can deal with (rice-based, agave-based) and not. I know how to keep from overdoing it on a hot day. I know how much to push you exercising, and I know that yoga always, always makes your hands and feet stop swelling.
I know how much pain you can take, which is a ton, because you made it through natural childbirth. I know your weatherwise neck ache and your still-healing shoulder that hurts to lie on. I know how much fun you had in ballet and modern dance classes, moving and pushing the boundaries of what you could do, sweating like a waterfall and jumping so high it felt like flying.
I know how much you feel the stoke when you skate!
And because of that, when I got depressed today, I got off my ass and did some yoga. It reminded you that even though I’m about to get injected with some goddamned fucking radiation tomorrow, I still love you. And somehow, even though this feels like the worst possible thing to do to you and is a shitty way to spend a month, you’re going to come out the other side surviving it…
And body, you’ll keep dancing.
We’ve come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you [body],
I have to praise you like I should…