I was pretty positive about it yesterday, because I went through the drip process and I wasn’t completely helpless afterwards. Today I woke up and realized that the headache, water-retention, muscle ache and swollen fingers persisted… and felt slightly depressed. “When is this evil feeling going to go away?” I wondered.
Well body, three more times. I’ve got to also remind myself that once I’m full of chemicals, the chemotherapy hasn’t stopped — it’s just begun. The real work of the drugs takes place in the days following. It’s going to be harsh, but here I am, and I’ll survive it as best I can.
Then I realized that I basically feel extremely hungover. In short, I’m really amazingly grumpy.
This is the kind of physical depletion that I’ve felt before, after one of the (very few) times I’ve been on benders in my life. Or after a few days of intense migraines. Thinking of it this way, it isn’t so bad. It’s kind of like my body’s looking at me very sternly for whatever it is I did, and would like to remind me not to do it again.
What’s flabberghasting to me is that some people CHOOSE to go through this, every single weekend. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
I did bow to the optional steroids they gave me to reduce inflamation. I will take those until I find a good Chinese doctor (I am about to pick one at random, my body seriously doesn’t feel like waiting around any longer).
What’s also amazing is that there are people who go through much worse than Rituxan. Respect to the people who endure the worst. So much respect!