Just keep me moving…

It’s funny how much my body dictates my mood.

I saw this pattern after last week’s chemotherapy too — at first I felt some euphoria that I wasn’t worse, then slight panic as I realized that my body was doing stuff that I couldn’t control or handle, and the way my body felt made me head to the emergency room a week ago because I was sure my body was failing me.  …Only to get better by Monday.

This week I felt my mood skyrocket after acupuncture… and then fall just as hard when I realized that some issues persisted, including today’s complete slump in energy.  I guess there’s no panacea or cure-all when you’re on the chemo train.  There’s really just doing whatever it is you can, and enduring.

The lesson I take away from this is that our bodies are the nodes through which our souls appear at this place, at this time. Our souls’ decisions impact our bodies immediately, and the frustration and depression comes when there’s nothing our decisions can do to help out our physical manifestations.  Makes my body feel really fragile.  Makes me know how truly random happenstance can be, especially the kind of random events that can happen to these bodies.

Yoga felt good tonight, though.  I think I need to keep reminding myself that when things feel stuck, moving is the best medicine, not sitting still. And yoga pays proper respect to this poor body that I’m beating up.

And I keep telling myself, half done, half done! (I hope.)

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